What if She knew?
by sapofbks2008
Summary: What if Kotoko found out how much Naoki loved her? How would she handle it is she knew how much he loved her and hurt her at the same time?


Irie was completely oblivious to the fact that every time he rejected Kotoko it was going to come back and bite him in the ass. Irie knew how to ace a test with his eyes closed but he didn't know how to tell the girl he loved with all his heart that he wanted to be with her. He knew how to insult her. He knew how to hurt her feelings. He knew how to make her mad but he didn't know how to make her his.

Everyone had a weakness and no one seemed to realize that Irie's weakness was that he didn't know how to handle women.

What he didn't know was that it didn't matter that he was ignorant on how to treat those he loved. He didn't know that his ignorance was going to get him in trouble, which was why he was shocked when Kotoko came into his room one day looking madder than he had ever seen her before.

Steam could have been rising from her ears if that were physically possible. "I had a thought today."

Irie raised an eyebrow and put his book on the desk. He leaned back to hear this.

Kotoko didn't move from her place in the door way. She just stood there. Looking really really mad.

"It's funny how it happened. I was pretending to study for a test, but really thinking about you. I do that a lot you know." Her eyes were bright and she was radiating energy. "I think about what it would be like if you just said that you loved me. I daydream all of the time," Kotoko's face was emotionless and there were tears in her eyes.

She had only talked to him once like this before and it had been at graduation. He had been worried then and he was worried now. Suddenly Irie had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach but he made sure that all evidence was not written all over his face.

"You daydream all the time. It's hard to miss," Irie pointed out.

More tears rolled down Kotoko's face. "What if Naoki really loved me? What if all these years he's been in love with me and just hasn't been able to admit it? I've thought it before but it sunk in this time."

"For the first time I realized that what I said wasn't far from the truth. I thought about it for the first time and I didn't use silly daydreams. I thought about every single time I've told you I cared about. I thought about every single time you've rejected me or hurt my feelings. It always hurts to think about all the times you hurt me."

It didn't escape Irie that Kotoko was calling him by his first name. Something she never did. It worried him, but he stayed silent.

"I thought about the day at graduation when I told you that I was done being in love with you, only to have you turn around a kiss me."

"I would have continued to love you. I was just saying that because I was hurt because you had tossed my feelings back in my face. I was hurting because all the dreams I'd had of you had been crushed again and I was hurting you back for once."

Irie didn't say anything. He just sat there and waited to see what she would say. What she would do.

"When I told you that I was done being in love with you. You asked me if a person could just stop loving someone and I told you yes when I knew that was a lie. You knew it was a lie. It was hard to miss such a big fat lie."

"But you kissed me anyway."

Kotoko went over to his bed and fell onto it looking at the wall with eyes that really weren't seeing her surroundings. "I always think about that kiss because it's was something that I wanted for so long. It was so nice…"

Kotoko came out of it to look Irie in the face and her face was livid, "I thought about it today and realized that you kissed me because you loved me back. You had to be sure that the only one I thought about. The only one I loved was you."

Irie didn't let his emotions show on his face, but he didn't say anything for fear that his voice wouldn't hide his emotions as well as his appearance did. There was something really wrong.

"You've loved me all this time and you've never told me. Every time I wanted you to be jealous, you were. Every time I told you I wasn't going to love you, you must have worried. Every time I missed you, you must have missed me to, but you never told me."

Again Irie said nothing because he didn't know what to say and he knew if he did say something it would be lies and it would hurt Kotoko more. For the first time Irie realized that he couldn't afford to hurt Kotoko.

"I don't care that you're a cold person Naoki. I didn't care that you were smarter than me. I didn't care that you didn't return my feelings. Well okay I did care about that, but I was willing to wait for that to change."

She turned to him then and looked at him with eyes swimming with confusion, "But you've loved me all along and you never did anything about it. You hurt me and still loved me. I don't like that."

"I can't accept that."

"In my dreams I've always dreamed that you loved me all along but you couldn't tell me, and in them I would hold you and tell you that I love you and we have each other."

"But in real life you hurt me, and you hurt me even though you cared."

Irie felt like his world was swirling out of control but he just sat there.

Finally Kotoko turned to him and her eyes were cold in a way that Irie figured he would never see.

"I'm done being in love with you Naoki."

For the first time Irie couldn't breathe. For the first time a little shock showed on his face. But it went ignored or unnoticed. It was slight and Kotoko didn't seem to really be looking at him.

"I'm done being in love with you because something broke inside me when I realized that you loved me back and never did anything to let me know."

Kotoko made a helpless motion and more tears flowed, "Something just broke and I don't think you can fix it," She sobbed.

Without warning she got up and headed for the door only to turn at the last second and look at him with hurt eyes, "You broke me, and you can't fix it Naoki. I hope you know that."

Kotoko laughed bitterly and she turned the knob, "Not that you would try anyway."

"You just don't know how."

Kotoko walked out, and she didn't look back.

**A/N: I don't think I'll ever find another show that I get such pleasure writing a bad ending to. I love naoki but he seriously ticks me off and Kotoko doesn't do enough about it... ever. I wrote this awhile ago and I had way to much fun with it.**


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